Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
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