you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
