He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
