he puts the penis in happiness.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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