Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He shit in the fireplace
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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