im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
