He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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