Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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