summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
