Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
