His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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