screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
