My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
