I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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