i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
