I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
