I want to have your abortion
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
