Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
