Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
