woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize