Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
