better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
