Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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