Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
