this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
