the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
