I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
