Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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