You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
So much Jack, so little girl.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
