Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
