I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
