yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
