my phone needs a breathalizer
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize