it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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