If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
