are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
