Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
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