Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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