don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
