Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
