That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
