Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
