Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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