Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
