I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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