You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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