why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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