It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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