I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
