He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
