I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
