Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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