watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
