He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
