yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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