am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
