I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
