woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
