my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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