I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
