Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
