Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
