I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize