The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize