In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
