i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
