Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
