hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
